Friday, September 6, 2013

Such Simple Explanations...

While most of the articles I hope to publish on this site will be serious in nature, occasionally it is good to attempt a small amount of humor; please remember that this entire article is tongue-in-cheek, and not to be taken seriously!

Beginning in the 1950's the number of UFO sightings began to rise, along with the level of reported alien encounters.  While most of the alien encounters were only times of blanked out memories after seeing a bright light, there were some abductees who recalled part, or all, of their experience.  Most of these experiences involved physical examination and probing, with many reports of anal probing, that led some to believe that these alien races were bewildered by our internal plumbing and were trying to understand why humans needed a waste outlet; it was believed by many that the aliens did not produce waste as a byproduct of their digestive system, while others felt that the normal grouchy looks on the drawings of aliens was in fact bloating and constipation, and the probing a method of investigating a better solution for their respective races.  I beg to differ with both of these opinions, but more on that later.

In later years the sightings of UFO's have continued, but the number of abductions have dropped off considerably; I believe that this is due to the alien races getting the information that they needed on our systems, and specifically our waste products, and moving on with their plan.  I will reveal this plan shortly.

First, though, let us look at the number of legends that we humans devise: gods, demons, monsters, humans who convert to animals or otherworldly creatures, Sasquatch and Yeti, sea serpents, mermaids, and on and on ad nauseum.  We are quite imaginative; and yet, many of these legends have some basis of truth, no matter how distorted by time and the telling of the story.

Realizing that there can be some kernel of truth in the most outlandish stories, and that not all accounts of odd incidents can be completely discounted, what then is the truth of the UFO mystery, and especially the anal probing?  Taking the time to form a gestalt of all the lore that I have been able to read, I have arrived at some conclusions; while lacking in empirical evidence, I believe William of Ockham would find my explanation the simpler one for solving multiple mysteries.  So here we go...

While real evidence of alien visitation is sparse, we do live in a large galaxy, in a large universe, and so the possibility cannot be discounted.  We do note, however, that the aliens that have been reported on Earth do not seem to be interested in trade, world domination, or any of the activities that we would normally expect from tourists; they don't sample the local cuisine, buy hats, or haul off snow globes and seashell sculptures.  What then is their purpose?

Let us delve into the full explanation!  The "grays" and "greens" are not aliens, but alien constructs; they are the equivalent of our robots, but much advanced.  They are designed to be easily recognized by other races as such, with digits for particular functions, and their color indicates such things as rank, ability, etc.  They are sent to planets with a breathable atmosphere to determine the microorganisms within that environment, and what better place to find a biosphere than in a poop factory?

They report this information back to the real aliens, who consider the data, and decide if the planet is one where they can stop occasionally.  They must be sure that their visits will not release bacteria and viruses that will wipe out the native, pre-galactic travelling species, namely us.  In other words they must not break their Prime Directive of non-interference.  If the facts check out, the planet becomes listed as a space travel "Rest Stop" where the aliens can stop and take a dump, when needed!

And who are these aliens that show up occasionally just to "make a deposit"?  Think about it; the spaceships seen over cities are always high up; only way out in the country do they get really close to the ground.  And what species is spotted only in the deepest woods, only for a minute or two, and then cannot be found again?  If you guessed Sasquatch, you win the prize!  If you don't believe me, watch the Patterson video here and tell me that doesn't look like an alien that is trying to get behind some bushes, and hopes the camera man will not follow him!

So, the truth was out there...we are constantly being visited by Wookies who need to take a shit!